Thursday, December 10, 2009

Her first day to school


On Monday, 7 Dec, my wife and I brought Gracia to Cherie Heart. The sun was shining, the air was crisp, and we all had smiles on our faces. The first two-thirds of our Journey to childcare was calm, timeless, precious, and the closest thing to perfect. We were a happy, healthy, and safe family, Life was good, each moment, each breath was down right perfect.

My 2.5 year old Gracia, started her first day into a childcare on Monday and it's been a wild week filled with all sorts of emotions. The first day to the childcare provided me with a huge reminder of the importance of living in the moment and simply BEING in the moment with my children.

PICTURE BELOW: ONE OF THE STAFF CHECKING ON GRACIA.


I started getting nervous butterflies in my stomach by the time we reached the edge of the school. I was so excited for her to go to school, we have been waiting for this exciting moment for so long, but suddenly as her loving dad, as I turned the corner, I wanted time to stand to still. Actually, I think I wanted to turn back the clock. Each step we took closer to the school, I wanted to run the other way. I wanted to turn back time to grab on to the past.

When we finally arrived to the school, It made me nervous that Gracia did not know anyone else in her group. In a flash, like a stab to my chest, I realized my baby was moving into the next huge phase of her life...without me...and without anyone else she knows...I felt some elephant tears almost pouring out of my eyes.

I have heard that moms (and some dads) would probably cry on the first day of school. Though I never shed a tears when I saw Gracia clinch on to Lina and refused to let go, my heart was really pain, and Lina eyes were turning red at the moment. At that point, I wasn't sure if I was really going to cry. But even if I had, they would be tears of joy, tears of a proud dad, tears similar to those I will shed at a her wedding.



PICTURE BELOW: WE ARE STILL WITH GRACIA AT THIS MOMENT AND SHE HAD NO IDEA YET WE ARE LEAVING HER BEHIND WITH THE REST AND IS HAPPILY COLORING SOME PICTURE.



Ever since the first day to the childcare, I've been trying to figure out the balance between letting my daughter move into the bigger world and wanting to hold her tight and protect her from the world. I know somewhere in between is a fine balance that results in a raising a strong independent person who will contribute great things to our society. The million dollar question...where exactly is that balance?


PICTURE BELOW: GRACIA CRIED LIKE HELL AFTER SHE SAW MUMMY WHEN WE WENT TO PICKED HER UP


Have you experienced taking your child to kindergarten, a childcare? Did you cry? Were you emotional? Please, tell me, will this emotional phenomenon happen again on the first day of main stream primary etc? Have you discovered your own balancing act of giving your child freedom while also protecting him/her from the world?

2 comments:

Esther said...

hey Paul , i truly understand how u feel !
& ur ang-mo is so good that the way u write out make the feeling even stronger ;) haa..

1 yr + ago when we let alexis attend sunday school , she cried like hell too when we leave her !
That kind of feeling was really terrible ! & so we decided she was then too young & not ready for school yet . not ready to be without us by her side ..

but now at 3 yrs , she's ok liao . i just update my blog on her attending sunday school again .

btw , is it a must for Gracia to go childcare now ? no one looking after her ?

Unknown said...

ya.... my wife is going to start work soon. My mum can help look after, but staying with my mum means tv tv tv most of the time, and there'll be no other kids playing with her. So we thought putting her into a childcare might be a better option...